Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Autumn's fleeting friendship


Autumn is here now, gilded by it's sober amber, everywhere, which is curiously soothing. I feel I can confide in the Autumn, that it's soft-spoken and unassuming and a great listener. Autumn is gentle. It has to be. It mediates between choking summers and chilling winters. So it strolls with me in the middle-ground, contemplative and nodding, low moans and grunts to acknowledge my anguish. But we all know what Autumn really is. It's a short-term fix for a long-term problem. No matter. I'll still cling to it in a delusional postponement of reality, secretly imagining to myself that if I count every second as it slips away, I will have somehow stretched the time space continuum, making my adventure up and down its fluid slopes prolonged. But Autumn is a cheap anesthesia, and everyone imbibes from it's numbing toxin. Oh well. We sip tea and swill coffee, and we banter and wax philosophical. There's a mutual understanding, of considerable depth. Autumn knows me as a quasi-intellectual, something of a test-tube intellectual. A commendable effort, but incongruous and encumbered by stigma. I look a bit silly, and no less a dilettante when reposing on Autumn's shoulder, next to the symmetrical portrait of Autumn. And Autumn is a flawless thinker. Autumn's pragmatism is all earth-tones. It's beauty is understated, yet its wisdom is impeccable, and impenetrable. There are no holes in Autumn. And in this way, it is ruthless. The only love Autumn knows is the unrequited kind. Autumn uses us. It knows we will ache annually for its return. For our return to the introspection we've so desperately put off, like Spring's cleaning. Long ago Autumn learned all it could of us. It predicts us now, and prognosticates our pain. Autumn is a detached confidante, hard to invest absolute trust in because just as children are prone to Halloween's mischief, Autumn can not help but capitulate to Winter's domineering depression. But for now Autumn is still vaguely warm and cozy, and here. 

Saturday, October 25, 2008




This is my first time in the land of blogging. I am usually hard pressed to find the time to sit, let alone the time to write down the millions of thoughts that inhabit my mind daily. Of all the topics I would love to embark on, one in particular has been on my mind, rattling around as just a thought; now, thanks to the world of blogging, I am able to release this thought onto paper(screen) for the free world to enjoy! Perhaps its the upcoming holidays, or the fact that I just returned from a wonderful vacation with Blake in which we spent a little less than a month visiting family; whichever, my heart has been in a constant state of joy. Why you wonder? Well, although I have a million reasons for being in this state, lately it has been the amazing privilege that I, in a small part of my world, am known as 'Auntie Sam' to two wonderful nephews. With the arrival of my newest nephew, Tyler, emotions began to stir within me. The feeling continued with some pictures of Austin on his 4th birthday and of him playing on his little soccer team! It is amazing to me the love that I have for these little boys. I remember growing up, the incredible love and relationships that I shared with my aunts. Now, I find myself on the other side and I can't help but wonder if they will grow with fond memories of Auntie Sam and with the knowing that my love and support for them is unconditional and of abundance. As I think of them, I wish I could kiss their little noses, and tell them that in no comparison to their wonderful parents, I will always be here for them. So in ending, I am weakened by to small little men that are part of what Blake so passionately and endlessly loves--his brothers. With this, I have officially posted a piece of my mind and heart and leave with this for Austin and Tyler: "you are a connection to life, a tie to the past, and a road to the future."